Television Television is a telecommunication system for broadcasting and receiving moving pictures and sound over a distance. The term has come to refer to all the aspects of television from the television set to the programming and transmission.
How the celebrities of today will look, much sooner than they know
A look into the future of:
Angelina Jolie (1)
Ann Coulter (1)
Anna Wintour (1)
Ashlee Simpson (2)
Babies (1)
Britney (2)
Carmen Electra (1)
Catherine Zeta Jones (1)
Clay Aiken (1)
Dina Lohan (4)
Ellen Degeneres (1)
George Bush (1)
Guy Ritchie (1)
Gwenyth Paltrow (1)
Jennifer Aniston (1)
Jennifer Lopez (2)
Jessica Simpson (1)
Joe Francis (1)
John Travolta (1)
Johnny Depp (1)
K-Fed (1)
Katie Holmes (2)
Kiera Knightly (1)
Larry King (1)
Lindsay Lohan (5)
Madonna (2)
Mariah Carey (1)
Michael Jackson (1)
milfs (4)
Mischa Barton (1)
Nicky Hilton (2)
Nicole Kidman (1)
Nicole Richie (2)
Oprah (2)
Pamela Anderson (1)
Paris Hilton (17)
Perez Hilton (1)
Political (2)
Rachael Ray (1)
Rosie Odonnell (1)
Sarah Jessica Parker (1)
Seniors (2)
Tara Reid (1)
The Girls Next Door (2)
The Olsens (1)
Tom Cruise (2)
Tori Spelling (1)
Victoria Beckham (2)
The official website of Borat Sagdiyev, Khazakhstan's leading television reporter
Borat is the story of a reporter for Khazakhstan Television, sent to America to report on life in "the greatest country in the world" (which he persists in calling the "US and A").
The film opens in Khazakhstan, where Borat's reporting responsibilities include coverage of the annual "Running of the Jew". Borat discusses his personal interests, which include ping-pong, sunbathing and "watch ladies make toilet", and introduces his sister, whom he describes as "number four prostitute in whole of Kazakhstan".
Soon after his arrival in America, Borat sees Pamela Anderson on TV, in an episode of Bay Watch, and resolves to travel to California to invite her to be his bride. On his way to California, Borat has many adventures, including:
* a visit to a southern mansion, where a banquet is being held under the auspices of the Magnolia Fine Dining Society, from which Borat is ejected when it emerges that the black lady who has accompanied him is a street walker
* a visit to a gun shop, whose owner has a number of helpful suggestions to make when Borat asks what gun he would recommend for shooting Jews
* a visit to a rodeo, where he advises his listeners that in Khazakhstan homosexuality is punished by hanging, to which one cowboy responds "We're trying to get that done over here, too"
* a visit to a college, where Borat leads students in a rosuing chorus of the traditional Khazakh folk song "Throw the Jew down the well"
When he reaches California Borat confronts Pamela Anderson at a book launching, where he proposes marriage and promises her that if she accepts he will give her her own plow. (One viewer of the film said that "there is no way Pamela Anderson is a good enough actress to convey the horror she expressed" when this proposal was made.)
Preview screenings of Borat start in Wellington tomorrow. At advance screenings in the US audience reaction has been extreme. One reviewer on the IMDb said that in the session he attended viewers were "on the edge of their seats, trying not to spray urine on those close to them".
I can barely bring myself to tell you what this site is about.
As I type this William Shatner's immortal words to a group of persistent Trekkies - "Get a life!" - are ringing in my ears.
This site is divided into television, movies, books, games and comics and in each case (and there are more than 300 cases) what you're looking at is some fan's timeline for developments in an entirely imaginary world.
Star Trek is there, of course. ("...Federation obtains advanced warp technology from the representatives of the Kelvan Empire in Andromeda Galaxy, after they briefly hijack the USS Enterprise. The Kelvans settle a class M planet near the edge of the Milky Way Galaxy, and a robot ship is dispatched to Kelva with greetings from the Federation...")
And:
* Dr Who
* Highlander
* Robotech
* Gundam
* The X-Files
* Babylon 5
* Twin Peaks
* Battlestar Galactica
* Xena Warrior Princes
* Buffy the Vampire Slayer
* Bonanza
* Stargate
* Dragonball Z
and so on and on and on and on...
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Comment by David Harcourt
Date: 29-07-2006
South Park is an animated series featuring four boys who live in the Colorado town of South Park, which is beset by frequent odd occurrences. The show grew out of a short film that Trey Parker and Matt Stone made named The Spirit of Christmas.
You can see a summary of episodes in the show in TV.com (which is a poor site, in our view), but this is the site you need for quotes from the show.
Some samples:
Jewish kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.
Mr. Garrison: Let's start the day with a few new math problems -- what is five times two? Yes. Clyde?
Clyde: Twelve.
Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let's try and get an answer from somebody who is not a complete retard.
Cartman: Naw dude, Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
Other Mom: Can Eric spend the night?
Mrs. Cartman: No, I'm sorry, Eric is grounded for trying to exterminate the Jews last week.
Cartman: I used to think disabled people were here for my amusement.
Tweek: But, what if when I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me?
Stan: Tweek, when has that ever happened, except that one time?
Cartman: I'm not fat! I'm festivally plump!
Mrs. Broflowski: Mr. Garrison, you're a Clan member?
Mr. Garrison: No no, Mr. Hat is.
Mr. Hat: White power! White power!
Mr. Garrison: You are such a racist bastard, Mr. Hat.
Museum of Tolerance Lady: You other boys have probably called this young man names like 'tubby' or 'lard-butt' or 'fat tits.'
Kyle: Fat tits, that's a good one.
Stan: Yeah, we'll have to remember that.
Reporter: This week a boyscout leader has been apprehended for taking sick child pornography pictures, which we will now show you.
Cartman: That movie has warped my fragile little mind.
Stan: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.
Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.
Kyle: OhmiGod! They killed Kenny. You bastards!
Mr. Garrison: Settle down, children. I have some difficult news. This is going to make you all very sad. The school board is considering firing me as your teacher. There's a possibility that I'll be let go and never allowed to teach you again. Yes, Stanley?
Stan: That's okay with us.
Cartman: Yeah.
Stan: Yeah, that's fine.
Mr. Garrison: No, it isn't. It makes you very sad.
Cartman: Poor people tend to live in clusters.
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Comment by David Harcourt
Date: 29-07-2006
The website of the Hollywood-obsessed television channel
A sample entry:
Who has had the best hair colour change?
* Britney's blonde to black
* Ashlee's black to blonde
* Lindsay Lohan's black to red
* Nicky Hilton's black to blond
VOTE NOW!
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Comment by David Harcourt
Date: 29-07-2006
From About.com, this is an inventory of "articles and resources" about current TV shows in the US.
An Internet guide for television, with feature articles, Website links, and discussion forums. Topics covered include reviews, schedules, ratings, networks, HDTV, theme songs, television violence, commercials, and episode guides.
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Comment by David Harcourt
Date: 30-07-2006
"The Somewhat Official But Always Interesting Notable Names Database Weblog"
"NNDB is an intelligence aggregator that tracks the activities of people we have determined to be noteworthy, both living and dead. Superficially, it seems much like a "Who's Who" where a noted person's curriculum vitae is available (the usual information such as date of birth, a biography, and other essential facts.)
"But it mostly exists to document the connections between people, many of which are not always obvious. A person's otherwise inexplicable behavior is often understood by examining the crowd that person has been associating with.
"Eventually, we will have synopses and analyses of creative works by the people in the database, including their books, films, and recordings."
As at this date, over 18,500 names are in the profile.
Stanley Bing is there.
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Comment by David Harcourt
Date: 29-07-2006
The best Monty Python site should be pythonline.com, which is a semi-official site maintained by Eric Idle. But it isn't. This is the best site for quotes, biographies etc etc.
It includes for full scripts of The Life of Brian, The Meaning of Life and Monty Python & the Holy Grail, and all the famous sketches. Like this one:
Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nieizsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
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Comment by David Harcourt
Date: 29-07-2006
The official website of the funniest show on television
Boston Legal is an Emmy and Golden Globe award-winning American dramedy television series that began airing on ABC on October 3rd, 2004. The show is a spin-off of the long-running legal drama The Practice. The series, like its predecessor, was created by David E. Kelley. It follows attorney Alan Shore (a character introduced during the last season of The Practice, played by James Spader) to his new law firm, Crane, Poole & Schmidt. It also stars veteran television actors Candice Bergen and William Shatner. Season 3 began on September 19th, 2006.
Before the show's premiere, it had a working title of Fleet Street, an allusion to the real street in Boston where the fictitious Crane, Poole & Schmidt had its offices. The working title was later modified to The Practice: Fleet Street, but this title was dropped in favor of Boston Legal before the show premiered.
Most of the final episodes of The Practice were focused on introducing the new characters from Crane, Poole & Schmidt in preparation for Boston Legal's launch. Thus, the story of Boston Legal can be said to begin with the episode of The Practice in which Eugene Young and Jimmy Berluti of Young, Frutt & Berluti decided to fire Alan Shore without consulting Ellenor Frutt, beginning a story arc of several episodes. They give Alan a severance package of only fifteen thousand dollars, even though Alan has brought in over six million dollars of revenue to the firm. Tara Wilson gets fired for her loyalty to Alan, and Alan goes to Crane, Poole & Schmidt to represent himself in the matter, thinking he has a claim under Massachusetts law to take over Young, Frutt & Berluti. Denny Crane, Senior and Founding Partner of Crane, Poole & Schmidt, takes an interest in the case and even argues at the trial, cross-examining Young. The jury awards Alan the millions of dollars of revenue he brought in to Young, Frutt & Berluti but does not order the firm to rehire him, so Denny hires Alan at his firm. After Young is appointed a judge, his first case (in the final episode of The Practice) happens to be with Alan for the defense, making Young wonder if Alan judge-shopped (this opens the door for Steve Harris to guest-star on Boston Legal as a judge).
Even with all this preparation, the official premiere episode for Boston Legal does introduce new characters, such as partner Paul Lewiston (Rene Auberjonois, in a role different from his tenure as a hapless judge on The Practice), and has an interesting cameo by Al Sharpton as himself.
In the second season premiere, Anthony Heald reprised his role as a California judge, Judge Cooper, on The Practice (it is rare for an actor in David E. Kelley's shows to repeat a guest role from an earlier show as the same character, but not uncommon for David E. Kelley star to appear in another Kelley show as a different character). Heald was part of the ensemble cast in another show created by David E. Kelley, Boston Public.
Some quotes:
Denny: This country works Alan. You democrats don't want to admit it. Oh I'm not saying there aren't kinks! Foam chips off the occasional space craft, we start the odd war on false pretenses, but by and large...America works! That's why I'm completely nuts about it.
Shirley: You do realize that I am significantly older than you are.
Jeffrey: Then be my significantly older other.
Denny: Well. Shall we pick up where we left off, my little friend?
Bethany: Forget it.
Denny: Why?
Bethany: Because one of the rules I try to follow in my social life is, ‘don’t date guys who slept with my mother.’
Alan: Denise, you've always struck me as a woman who secretly longs to be debased. It's an awfully big job. But I feel I'm just the man to... do it.
Denise: Don't stop. I'm curious to see just how low you'll go.
Alan: All the way down. Again. And again. I see the filthy, naughty girl deep inside you, Denise, longing to get out. Now, if you're so unwilling to let her out. Perhaps I should go in after her. I brought my snorkel.
(Discussing a case concerning cannibals)
Shirley: Because this case is disgusting, it's distasteful, it's repugnant...
Alan: Everything I stand for.
Shirley: I'll drive.
Alan: Shirley, is this about getting in a room with me?
Shirley: (sarcastically) Yes Alan, I went out and recruited a cannibal just to get close to you.
Alan: Admit it Shirley, you're drawn to me like Eve to the Serpent. Take me home and help me stretch my coil.
Shirley: Has that line actually worked?
Alan: It's working now.
Denny: Welcome, to Boston Legal.
Claire: Jeffrey, the gross man is fondling me.
Denny: It's the official firm greeting.
(squeezes Claire's butt)
Denny: Cue the music.
"Fug" comes from "fugly," which is a contraction of "fantastically ugly" (or an f-word more prurient, if you like, but we are clean and delightful young ladies who don't engage in that kind of filth, dammit).
Here's some etymology for you:
fug•ly (adj.)
frightfully ugly; of or pertaining to something beyond the boundaries of normal unattractiveness. Ex: "That 'Kabbalists Do It Better' trucker hat is fugly."
fug (n.)
1. A state of extreme ugliness. Ex: "The level of fug at the Video Music Awards is always hard to stomach."
2. A proper name for someone possessed of eternal heinousness, as Chloe Sevigny: "Oh look, there's Fug, looking all miserable and dour in her black turtleneck and white frilly farm dress."
fug•ging (v.)
The act of posting on one's blog in order to identify something excruciatingly ugly. Ex: "Hey, I am fugging Li'l Kim again for wearing only a tiny piece of cloth."
2. So "fugly" is like extreme ugliness?
Kind of -- we like to think of "ugly" as something that refers to an unchangeable condition, but also a condition above which people can rise.
Fugly, however, is a self-inflicted state, and no one seems to excel at dwelling in the depths of fug quite like pretty people with money to spare and little sense of how to spend it. Celebrities are always skipping around in public wearing things that are phenomenally perplexing; as these red-carpet dwellers are often considered trendsetters or bastions of Hip Present and Hip Future, we like to take them to task for careless choices. (Of particular concern: whomever got little girls thinking that miniskirts and Ugg boots were a stellar combination.)
3. Got it: You crack on celebrities. That means you're jealous, right?
You're not reading our blog -- you're reading our souls! Who wouldn't want to go to a premiere dressed like a drunk genie? Just the other day we turned to each other and each said, "I wish we had some gold lame hot pants. Damn Beyonce for having what we want." Jessica is frequently in fits over the fact that neither of us can grow an ill-advised mustache, and when we're being honest with ourselves, we know that we wish we could go out in public wearing only napkins.
4. You two need to stop eating Twinkies and get on the treadmill. Clearly you're fat and bitter, and no one will ever love you.
We would get off the couch, if the donut glaze on the backs of our thighs hadn't hardened into a thick paste, forever yoking us to the sofa.
5. But, seriously, who are you guys?
You can learn more about us here.
6. I said seriously.
There is nothing un-serious about Joan Collins's cleavage. Period. But if you must know, no, we're not a pair of gay men, and yes, Heather and Jessica are our real names.
7. I know who that Random Fug is! It's...
Don't worry -- we know, too, so unless we printed it and got it wrong, you don't need to e-mail us (although we appreciate the enthusiasm). We don't mean for the "Random Fug" postings to be a guessing game; we just sometimes can't or don't work the name of the person into the flow of the post itself.
8. Where are the comments? I need the comments!
Things were getting busy in there, and more than a little hateful in ways that made us uncomfortable. (And if bitches like us are uncomfortable, well, you know things got very messy in there.) We generally don't have the time -- or the software, really -- to moderate them the way they desperately needed to be handled, so it became necessary to close the comments for the immediate future.
It might not be forever, but it's for now.
9. What about forums?
See above -- those require extensive moderating and their own intricate FAQ to keep some of the nonsense that appeared in the comments from spilling over into a forum and getting a life of its own. We're not ruling out the idea, but we're also not going to pursue it until we have copious time to do it RIGHT. This isn't something we want to half-ass.
10. I'll do it for you! I'll moderate whatever you want me to moderate.
Thank you, very sincerely. People are so generous, and offers like this have been greatly appreciated. But we're not looking for outside moderators at this point in time; when we do, you'll be the first to know. We promise.
11. Where can I get an "I Hate What You're Wearing" t-shirt?
We're so sorry -- those were an April 2005 pre-order only, meaning that the lovely Glark from Glarkware only made as many as were ordered. But in the future we plan to do more with shirts and the like, so keep your eyes peeled.
The official website of the English comedian and musician.
DUDLEY MOORE
April 19, 1935
March 27, 2002
Dudley Moore was one of the most beloved and respected artists of our time. Actor, comedian, pianist, composer, conductor, and vocalist, Dudley was renowned for his work in all these areas. Best known to the public for his leading roles in smash hits such as Arthur, 10, Foul Play, and Unfaithfully Yours, he was internationally loved by his audiences. Dudley's first love was music. A highly-trained classical musician, he studied violin and organ at the Guildhall School of Music in London and attended Magdalen College at Oxford University as a scholarship student. In his teens, he was inspired by jazz pianists Erroll Garner and Oscar Peterson, and spent many years performing internationally with his own jazz trio.
As an actor and comedian, Dudley first came to the United States in 1962 with the innovative revue Beyond the Fringe, which was a hit on Broadway. The satire featured Dudley with Peter Cook, Jonathan Miller and Alan Bennett. In 1981, he performed A Salute to George Gershwin with the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra at the Hollywood Bowl, and in 1982, after a New York concert with violinist Robert Mann, resumed a classical career that took him around the globe in performances as a piano soloist with major orchestras. During the 1990’s, he played several Carnegie Hall Benefits for Music For All Seasons, Inc., for which he served as founding Advisory Board President, and he toured with long time two-piano partner, Rena Fruchter.
Dudley announced his battle with the degenerative neurological condition, Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, in November of 1999, and subsequently devoted himself to raising money for two important charitable causes--the Dudley Moore Research Fund for PSP and Music For All Seasons, Inc. He died in New Jersey in March of 2002.
In Dudley’s memory, Martine Avenue Productions continues to bring his music to the public, carrying on his important commitments to artistic quality and to charity.
Alfred Hitchcock (1899–1980), the British film director and producer, was a master of the suspense thriller genre. He began directing in the United Kingdom before working mostly in the United States from 1939 onwards, taking a dual citizenship in 1956. The "Master of Suspense" and his family lived in a mountaintop estate high above Scotts Valley, California, for 32 years, from 1940 to 1972. He directed more than fifty feature films in a career spanning six decades, from the silent film era, through the invention of talkies, to the colour era. Hitchcock was among the most consistently successful and publicly recognizable directors in the world during his lifetime, and remains one of the best known and most popular directors of all time, famous for his expert and largely unrivaled control of pace and suspense throughout his movies.
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Comment by David Harcourt
Date: 29-07-2006
This is a subject where Wikipedia's entry is better - far more comprehensive, and far better organised - than any Wodehouse-related website on the internet.
(Why is this, one wonders? Are P G Wodehouse's admirers inarticulate, when trying to explain to themselves and introduce others to this wonderful man's writing? I think we should be told.)
So start at Wikipedia for the biography, the novels, a guide to the characters, notes on the television series with Hugh Laurie & Stephen Fry, and a link to a site which has the text of the notorious 1941 broadcasts in Nazi Germany.
Here are a couple of samples from my own collection of Wodehouse quotes:
Wooster: "I give you fair warning that if he tells me I have a face like a fish I shall clump his head."
Jeeves: "Perhaps the young gentleman will not notice that you have a face like a fish, sir."
Wooster: "Ah! There's that, of course."
And again:
Wooster: "I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean."
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Comment by David Harcourt
Date: 29-07-2006
A fansite focusing on 17 classic British TV programmes
Plot summaries and related material on classic shows, including:
* Blackadder
* Fawlty Towers
* Sherlock Holmes
* Jeeves & Wooster
* Rumpole of the Bailey
* The Two Ronnies
* Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister
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Comment by David Harcourt
Date: 30-07-2006
Copyright 2006: theunscrambledweb.com All logos, trademarks, brandnames and website names are the legal property of the relevant websites. The Unscrambled Web does not list any sites known to contain adult content, viruses or any damaging content, however we do not assume any responsibility for any websites listed. We recommend that all internet users should maintain up to date anti-virus and anti-spyware software on their computers.
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